A Rough Idea: On decentering romance and loving your friends

Time to break the romantic paywall.

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“Who are your best friends?”

I used to ask my dates this. One of them told me that was ‘such a random question.’ Another talked about his friend from school who lives in another country. They catch up twice a year.

Most often they just shrugged, seemed to find the idea of friendship almost juvenile. They guessed maybe their coworkers or their roommates or their ex would be their closest friends.

I was always the first person who had asked them that. In our TV shows, songs, books and cultural zeitgeist, we never stop hearing that romantic relationships are the end goal. The Best Kind of Relationship. That will make us complete and solve all other issues: our lack of support system, our childhood traumas, probably the climate crisis and world hunger. And the most important scam of all: romance will make us whole.